Dude's Day

Valentine's Day? F--- that, give me "Dude's Day"

Okay, so we all know about Valentine's Day. It is a celebration of love and blah blah blah. Over the years, as the population of Valentine's Day "haters" has grown, Valentine's Day has developped the reputation of being a fabricated holiday created simply to sell candies, cards, jewelry, and expensive dinners.

Upon further analysis of Valentine's Day, I have come to the conclusion that it is almost exclusively a women's holiday. Let me start off by saying that I don't necessarily have a problem with that. If you are in a relationship with someone that you care about I see no harm in dedicating a day to recognizing all that she means to you.

The point is that this appreciation is not equally reciprocated in the form of a comparable holiday for guys.

Think about it. Who gets flowers, candy, poems written about them, jewelry, and taken out to romantic, candle-light dinners on Valentine's Day?

The women.

What do guys get?

Jack.

I also don't have a problem with this. I don't necessarily want any of those things, except for perhaps some jewelry in the form of a platinum grill, so again I don't have a problem getting them for a person that I care about.

Also, think about this: imagine if BOTH people in a relationship forgot Valentine's Day. Who do you think would be more upset?

Scenario 1: The guy forgets:

Girl: "I got you a card for Valentine's Day"

Guy: "Um...great. How funny. Its says 'Choo choo choose' me, and there's a picture of a train."

(pause as he realizes he forgot)

"Yeah, I can't wait to give you my uh...present...er...presents..."

(pause)

Girl: "You forgot, didn't you?"

Guy: "Flowers?"

(Girl looks appalled)

Guy: "I mean...diamonds?"

Girl: "Stop spitting out ideas for gifts, its obvious you forgot Valentine's Day"

Guy: "....chocolates..."

(girl promptly smacks guy in the face)

Girl: "YOU ARE AN INSENSITIVE PRICK!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD FORGET VALENTINE'S DAY, THE MOST SACRED OF ALL HOLIDAYS!!"

Guy: "um....I love you?"

Girl: "You don't love me, you only love yourself, and that's the only person you will be "loving" in the near future, if you know what I mean."

Pretty harsh, no?

Scenario #2: the Girl forgets:

Guy: "Happy Valentine's Day, here's your present."

Girl: "Why thank you. Oh, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I didn't get you anything."

Guy: "....whatever. Look, am I getting any or not? Those chocolates were expensive."

Thus, its pretty clear that Valentine's Day, although perhaps created for other reasons, has evolved into a celebration of the woman in a relationship. Thus, I say, why don't we create a comparable holiday to celebrate the man in a relationship? I dub this proposed holiday

"Dude's Day"

I know what many of you women might be thinking:

Well, Schrein-bot, if you ask me, EVERY day is "Dude's Day." I have been forced to watch countless hours of football, poker, and international strongman competitions on TV.

And although I have a slight obsession with Sven Karlsen (pictured right), I am a little tired of it.

Well, that's all well and good, but realize this: I have watched my fair share of the Bachelor, Lifetime movies, Sex in the City, and Desperate Housewives. Despite what you may be thinking, I typically don't watch these shows by choice (except for Desperate Housewives, but that's a different story all together).

So now you might be thinking:

Okay, okay, I guess I never realized that you might not actually enjoy watching the Bachelor. But what about the Superbowl? Certainly that could suffice as a tribute to dudes.

Not a bad point, but again I disagree. No one forces or even expects women to watch the superbowl. If my girlfriend said she didn't want to watch the superbowl, I would not be personally offended. Quite the contrary, the way I see it, on Superbowl Sunday I'm going to eat a sh--load of food and get rowdy-beer drunk anyway, so if she doesn't want to join in she might as well get out of the way.

Also, its not like we expect presents on Superbowl Sunday, as women expect something on Valentine's Day.

But maybe we should....

In all fairness, there should be a Dude's Day. Think about how great it would be: a day dedicated to things that dudes like to do. Make it a Saturday or Sunday in the fall. The dudes could sit around, perhaps with their dude friends, and watch a few football games on T.V. and not have to hear about how The Prince of Tides is playing on the Oxygen channel.

Imagine the possibilities:

Instead of candle light dinners, there could be Barbecue.

Instead of expensive wine, there could be cheap beer.

Instead of candy, there could be chicken wings.

Instead of jewelry, there could be tickets to a ballgame or the College Basketball package on ESPN.

Instead of walks in the park, there could be drinking games.

Instead of flowers, there could be ... um.... no flowers.

This holiday would be better than Christmas.

We could even celebrate Dude's Day Eve, by getting drunk and passing out in a field.

Point is, the possibilities are endless.

Who's with me?

© 2006